


Unearth Me

by firelordazula06



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Introspection, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Personal Growth, Psychological Trauma, Self-Discovery, Self-Harm, Suicidal Ideation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:41:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28803705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firelordazula06/pseuds/firelordazula06
Summary: Azula opens her pandora box of repressed trauma, guilt, and shame.
Kudos: 14





	Unearth Me

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a finalized summary because I am not entirely sure which direction I will be going in. I will be updating this work with new chapters consistently (I hope) and most likely will sporadically make edits to already posted material. Please let me know if you have any questions or if there is anything you would like me to clarify! I appreciate any feedback, just be kind and respectful<3

_I love you, Azula. I do. _

_I love you, Azula. I do. _

_I love you, Azula. I do. _

The string of words echoed through Azula's head while she sat on the cold marble of her bedroom floor—isolated, in dull nonexistence. It seemed like this was her eternal state of purgatory; free from her father's control, from her lust for power, but a pariah amidst individuals that supposedly cared for her. The Avatar and his friends still feared her to some extent, but Azula knew that their feelings were of contempt more than anything else. Not a single one of their faces passed through the corridors since her return, doing the most to avoid any sort of painful interaction. Granted, Azula locked herself in—and everyone else out. The princess kept her own company, but her non-existent relations with the outside world did not deafen her from the whispers that traveled through the palace walls. Katara practically begged Aang to return home to the Water Tribe upon hearing about Azula's return. Aang, however, insisted they stay to help Zuko rehabilitate his sister into some semblance of normalcy. During Azula's first week back in the Fire Nation, Aang accompanied Zuko for daily check-ins. She hated these pathetic attempts of reconciliation. Aang would really be the only one talking as Zuko never knew what to say. Azula's mind was never present when they visited—her mind was never really present at all.

It had been a little over a month, thirty-six days, since her release from the asylum; or at least that was what Zuko told her. The hours and days blurred into oblivion as her stream of thought was far from linear. Azula's complexion lacked saturation, asides from the muted brown and purple tones underneath her eyes. Sleep was obsolete to her, just one of the many variables that were completely foreign to the fractured fire-bending prodigy. She couldn't recall the last time she felt any sort of spark—some state of relative vibrancy. The noise never stopped; fluctuations between cacophony and contempt, slowly eroding away at the remains of her sanity. She would give anything for a moment of silence. Unable to hold her head up, she lightly descended her weight to the lustrous stone. The surrounding air seemed to burden her eyelids and she could no longer prevent them from drifting to a close. Instead of the empty visionless void she so desperately craved, Azula's mind whirled through a vortex of her mother's visage, the rejection from her father, the betrayal from her friends, the Agni Kai that ended with restraints that branded her humanity with infernal retribution.  _ You miscalculated _ ,  _ Trust is for fools, You can't treat me like Zuko, Even you fear me, I love Zuko more than I fear you, Fear is the only reliable way, You think I'm a monster_.

_ No—I love you, Azula. I do _ . 

A scattered and fragmented, yet almost lyrical clatter broke Azula out of her dissociative trance. Her eyes flew to the direction of the noise and locked a gaze with the foot of her bedside table and pulled her delicate frame from the tile. Her pale skin encased a frail figure that was no longer capable of swift combat stunts or aggressively competitive beach volleyball. She absently dragged herself to the disarray of bouncing light and ornate gold frame that once took shape of an intricate looking glass that revealed the epitome of reverence and dominion. Serrated shards of twisted images and words tore through every inch of Azula's conscience until they morphed into a reflection she could hardly recognize—a portrait of desperation and disgrace. The faint glimmer from a singular candle illuminated taunting silhouettes in Azula's brassy eyes; weeping as her mind spiraled, 

_ Father, Zuko, Uncle, Mai, Ty Lee, even the water tribe peasant that contributed to my fall. I was the one who painted expressions of disgust on mother's face, even at that stupid party on Ember Island I had no place, neglected by mother, abandoned by my friends, a chained failure on the very grounds I hoped to rule. Toying with brother's emotions, manipulating the only people that ever cared for me, convinced that I was in control, in power —oblivious to the fact that I never had control or power over myself. A tool. A monster; _

drifting to every surface and corner of her surroundings, small circular outlines of golden fear and shame and hatred flickered in the void. Azula thought her exile began when Zuko had her sent off to the asylum. The princess was never the esteemed daughter of royalty she envisioned throughout childhood. She was never the skilled fire-bender who had the love and validation of the former Firelord. She was an entity of scorching tears and carbon volatility, burning towards her death. The shadows watched her spectacle as they mocked her existence. Azula's screams of agony ricocheted off of stone and marble until the voices hushed and the figures faded. Stripped of any remnant of energy, the princess finally found a moment of silence—a beautiful tragedy.

**Author's Note:**

> update: i will probably have chapters two and three sometime in march because i have been swamped with school work & have been struggling with some mental health issues. lol so sorry i keep pushing back my self-imposed deadlines, but thank you for reading thus far & please take care of yourselves! :)


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